"Diana exemplifies all that is real. I have been forever drawn to her irresistible spirit and walk away more inspired to be my best self every time I am in her presence"My awakening...
When I first decided to become a mom, there was a part of me that naively thought it would all be rainbows and butterflies. I couldn't wait to be that glowy pregnant woman in overalls, that I had seen depicted in movies. Instead, I was extremely ill the first, wait, most of my pregnancy, I had gestational diabetes, carpal tunnel, acid reflux, and I gained 70lbs. There was nothing "glowy" about my demeanor. I was miserable. Why don't we talk about this side of motherhood? The ugly and scary side. It definitely set me up for failure. As a result, I started to feel like there was something wrong with me. I had friends that had children, and they didn't have all these ailments, or talked about them. They didn't feel doom and gloom. So, I smiled and kept quiet. I went along with the crowd and talked about how joyful it was, all the while I was slowly withering inside. Then came the birth. I mean, do I even have to say anything else? It was hard, I labored for 48 hours and was inches aways from an emergency c-section. By the time I delivered, every ounce of reserve I had, was gone. Afterwards, I was sent home with our precious healthy baby boy. I was so happy, but there was a part of me that couldn't shake the baby blues. It seemed like my joy wasn't strong enough to clear the feelings I had of confusion, melancholy, and insecurity. Everything seemed hard. Yet, everybody seemed so eager to talk about joy and happiness, that I just couldn't find the courage to share the pain and overwhelmed I felt on a daily basis. I suffered in silence. It would be almost a year of suffering from Postpartum Depression before I shared it with anyone. This was my induction into motherhood. |
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I felt different. Not quite myself.
The once strong and confident woman that used to inhabit my body had somehow abandoned me. Replaced by a shell of a girl, who mostly felt confused, overwhelmed, and anxious.
The worst part of losing yourself is having to pretend that everything is ok. I appeared to have it together. I was so lucky. I really was. But I also didn't know who this new me was. The more I hid my pain and struggle. The deeper I fell in the well of hopelessness. "I guess this is just motherhood." Is it? Really?
Becoming a mother was the best and most painful time in my life. Losing yourself for the sake of those you love is never an easy choice. But I did it because I thought that was the only way to do it.
After all, I come from a long line of women who sacrificed themselves for their families. I felt selfish to want something different. I felt shame wanting to be different than my mother or grandmothers. I wanted the old me back.
The worst part of losing yourself is having to pretend that everything is ok. I appeared to have it together. I was so lucky. I really was. But I also didn't know who this new me was. The more I hid my pain and struggle. The deeper I fell in the well of hopelessness. "I guess this is just motherhood." Is it? Really?
Becoming a mother was the best and most painful time in my life. Losing yourself for the sake of those you love is never an easy choice. But I did it because I thought that was the only way to do it.
After all, I come from a long line of women who sacrificed themselves for their families. I felt selfish to want something different. I felt shame wanting to be different than my mother or grandmothers. I wanted the old me back.
Have you ever lost yourself?
I knew I needed to do something to find myself again. But, truth be told, I was overwhelmed. There was so much to do and I didn't know where to start.
I had to go through a process of creating my new identity, healing my past and reawakening my true purpose. It took my tribe of support, professional help and the empowered formula to get me where I am today. It wasn't an easy road, there were obstacles and detours, but I eventually crawled myself out of that darkness. And when I walked into the light of self-love. I made a promise to myself.
I promised that I would be the light for other women who find themselves lost in the darkness. Let me help you find yourself again.
I had to go through a process of creating my new identity, healing my past and reawakening my true purpose. It took my tribe of support, professional help and the empowered formula to get me where I am today. It wasn't an easy road, there were obstacles and detours, but I eventually crawled myself out of that darkness. And when I walked into the light of self-love. I made a promise to myself.
I promised that I would be the light for other women who find themselves lost in the darkness. Let me help you find yourself again.
