A few weeks ago I had a conversation with my sixteen year old son about women using their personal voice. It all started with him asking the question "why do girls say they are fine when they aren't?" I can pretty much guarantee that he didn't expect me to go into a rant about women, equality, and opportunity. But I did. Because as a boy he won't find it difficult to speak his mind. He probably can't imagine why someone would say something in order to avoid being perceived too emotional or bitchy. And he probably won't have to deal with people questioning his irritability to a certain time of the month. He won't be asked to play nice or to put his needs aside for others.
Instead, he will be rewarded for being assertive, direct, and even aggressive. So, yes I had that conversation with him. I explained to him that sometimes women don't feel safe to share their feelings and desires. They might have been coached by family traditions and society to smile and be pretty. They might not have role models showing them how to use their personal voice.
And in the end they might say "I am fine" when in reality they are hurt, scared or angry.
I know this isn't the case for every women out there. But I have been working with women for over two decades and its the case for most women. Most of us have had a time in our lives where we lost our voice. We stayed in jobs that treated us unfairly. We stayed in toxic relationships when we should have left. We jeopardized our own health for the sake of meeting others needs. We stayed quiet and said " I am fine" when in reality we weren't.
It's time for use to speak up, ladies. It's time we start using our voice.
Here are 3 easy ways to start developing your personal voice muscle:
1. Surround yourself with other women that are using their voice.
2. Practice stating your opinions in small ways with less charge. (picking the restaurant, the movie, the family adventure.)
3. Develop a disciplined mindset by using affirmations and mantras that support self-confidence.
Remember, your voice matters because you matter.
I am sitting here in my office planning out the most exciting and audacious goals for the next three months. And I am literally freaking out! I probably need to grab a paper bag and do some breathing.
You see at the beginning of 2019, I made a promise that I was "all in". I promised myself that I would finally take action towards my dreams. And this time I wasn't going to quit.
Because if you are like me, you too have set goals and plans for dreams only to stop when it got too hard. Trust me, I totally understand. And here is the thing it's so much easier to focus on your dreams and goals in January. Everyone is doing it and your kinda riding the wave of motivation with everyone else. I have to be honest it's around this time of year that I pretty much throw in the towel in those things I didn't get to accomplish.
"Better luck next year!"
It wasn't until last year that I heard about the "Last 90 days" from Rachel Hollis. She encouraged her community of followers to finish the year strong. She mentioned adding the same amount of motivation and grit that we usually have at the beginning of the year and apply it to the last 90 days!
When I did this last year- I have to admit- I was super doubtful that I would be able to stick to it. I even surprised myself! Take a look at what I did with last years 90 days. I took the plunge to start writing my book, set up a business website, and organized my first workshop! I was blown away by how I was able to accomplish so much in so little time. There was something mental about the phrase, " the last 90 days," that propelled me into action. It made me feel like I was at the end of something and if I didn't get moving, I was going to be left behind. So I did it, and you can too!
I know you might be thinking that you have too many things to tackle, and that this is the busiest time of the year, and that you don't like this time of year, and that next year is a better time. Friend, I get it but with all the love in my heart. You are wrong!
You too can take the plunge and change whatever is not working for you. You can take charge of your health, you can improve your relationship with your spouse or with your kids, you can save more money, you can start to follow your passion like I did.
I want to encourage you to take the challenge the last 90 days! It's time to go all in.
You can sign up for her challenge through her website. It's free!
Let me know in the comments what "all in" means to you!
You can register at www.hollisco.com/pages/last-90-days
I recently read an article written by Tony Robbins that talked about the power of words and how they deeply affect your quality of life. And that got me thinking. It made me stop and take note of my language and the language around me. Not just in my home but in our society.
I decided that I would take a week and dedicate it to observation. I wanted to access the words I was using and allowing into my space. So I took note of the words I used in my head habitually. The words we used in our home. And I observed the words of those around me.
I noticed a few things that I didn't quite like. It's like that moment you open a credit card bill, you know you have to see it but you sort of don't want to know how much you charged. Well this was sort of like that. None of us want to look in the mirror and face the music. Its easier to blame others, to blame the news, or social media.
What most of us fail to take seriously is that the choice of words we use towards ourselves or others can really effect the quality of our life. I know we all remember the childhood rhyme "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me." I am guessing that most of us would disagree with it nowadays.
I am also going to go out on a limb here and say that most of us have laughed at something that wasn't very nice. Or we have chosen words of anger towards a loved one. Or we have silently and secretly in our minds used not so nice words either to ourselves or to others.
Words are powerful people. They come charged with emotion. They alter the chemistry of your mind and body. We use them so flippantly at times. Excusing our choice of words because we were kidding or angry. Or what about the stuff you whisper in your mind when you see yourself in the mirror, or make a mistake? Words can be harmful habits too.
If you find yourself stuck feeling blah, depressed, or angry just to list a few. I want to challenge you to increase your awareness of the words you use or allow in your space over the next week. Every time you find yourself using or mentally entertaining words that are not helpful. Take a deep breath and choose another word. You don't have to deny your negative feelings but you can always use less negatively charged words to describe them.
"In fact, a single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress. If we do not continually exercise the brain's language centers, we cripple our neurological ability to deal with the problems we encounter with each other." --Dr. Andrew Newberg, Words Can Change Your Brain
We have to start taking responsibility for the quality of our life.
What if you succeed?
Many of us are waiting around on the sidelines of life just waiting for success to be guaranteed. We wait to be more prepared, to have more money, to have more time, or more luck. We passively wait for it to arrive at our doorsteps. The truth is that all those excuses are just lies.
Lies that helps us feel better about not trying. Lies that keep us from experiencing the uncomfortable challenges that will come if we went for it. Lies that keep us in a web of chaos, feeling unfulfilled, afraid and depressed. Wishing and thinking about something different but yet too paralyzed to pursue it.
In order for you to get unstuck, you have to be willing to put the truth first. All these excuses are just lies that you have been telling yourself. I realize that your reality right now might seem like the only truth that can exist. Maybe you are struggling financially right now, or pressed for time from working and going to school, or really could benefit from more expertise in what you want to pursue. But that doesn't mean that you can't push through those obstacles. Many before you, already have.
Putting an end to the lies is not just about "trying" to do it. It's not even enough to really really want it. You have be willing to envision a new truth. One that says that you too can do it. A truth that supports your right to feel better physically, one that supports your right to travel more, or to wake up with calm and joy instead of panic and dread.
Only about 5 percent of people actually create change even after having the information and resources they need. You see it's not about having more to do more. You already have everything you need to take the first step. Stop lying to yourself. Set your eye on the prize. Envision yourself getting there. Get giddy about how good it will feel when you are there. Then with all the gumption you can muster- take purposeful daily action.
What if this time around you actually pushed past your fears?
As a mom, a wife, and a coach I sometimes find myself completely depleted from giving so much to others. It’s my calling to serve others and, as rewarding as it can be, it’s vital that I have a regular practice of acts of kindness towards myself. I can’t expect other people to always provide that for me. If you are a mom, you know that there are times when your kids take and take without giving anything back. We have moments in our relationship when we feel loved and cherished and that feels amazing. However, what about the other times when you are left feeling depleted, lonely and overwhelmed? It is vitally important that we take care of ourselves and have a regular and consistent habit of self-love.
When you start showing up for yourself and nurturing yourself, making daily deposits, you automatically start claiming your worth. Suddenly you will find the courage to set boundaries in toxic situations, find the time to exercise, or discover the strength to finally work towards your dream job. Whatever that is for you, when you start to show up for you, you become worthy of your time and effort.
We all have a personal emotional bank account where we make transactions such as withdrawals and deposits. Dr. Stephen R. Covey, the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families®, defines an emotional bank account as one's relationship with another. The higher the balance, the more trust you have in the relationship. Over the years, as I have worked with my clients I have realized that we ourselves have a personal self-worth bank. This not only applies to relationships with others but the relationship with ourselves. We are either withdrawing from or depositing into our self-worth. When we don’t take the time to care for ourselves physically, mentally or spiritually, we withdraw from our sense of worthiness. Putting ourselves last and avoiding setting appropriate boundaries in our lives only confirms
that we are undeserving. Just like a bank account, the more we can deposit, the more abundance we will have. When we are looking at self-care, we must make regular deposits to balance out our withdrawals. When we are in the red—and let’s be honest, we all have had that feeling of opening up our bank statement or online app to see our balance in the red—we feel nauseous, anxious, overwhelmed, and sometimes hopeless. Aren’t those the same feelings that you feel when you’re in the red in life? When all you do is take care of other people but leave yourself to the very end, and even then still don’t take care of yourself? You might be in the red, and that never feels good. It’s time you start making those regular deposits to your self-worth bank. What is one thing you can do today? Leave it in the comments!
This is by far the number one excuse I hear from people on a daily basis for why they aren't living the life they want. They are too busy trying to balance family and work life. We all hear about the famous work life balance phenomenal. However, very few can actually say they have achieved this. This is because we have the wrong perception. We seem to think that balancing work and home life requires it to be at 50/50 at all times. Which in my opinion is hard to come by.
What we need is a change in our perception of what work life balance means. For me, work life balance means that when you are at work you are one hundred percent present at work. When you are home you are one hundred percent at home enjoying your family and your time. You will feel more balanced when you are able to fully enjoy being present in what you are doing.
However, most of us are going about our day with our body in one place and our mind in another. We start to do one thing only to leave it half way in and start another task and so on. We are running around from one place to another thinking about that infamous to-do list that instead of it shrinking- it grows. In essence, never being present in what we are doing and as a result feeling like our plate is too full to add one more thing. So in the end we are too busy to get healthier, we are too busy to avoid burnt out, we are too busy to change things that are clearly not working.
When I work with my clients I help them with a strategy on how they can create the change they want in their lives without adding more to their plate. In reality, most often than not we develop a strategy on how they can take some stuff off their plate.
If you are ready for change. Lets chat!
Schedule a Breakthrough session at no cost and lets get you back on the right track!
Every day is a new opportunity to make better choices. If you find yourself dreading a new day, it might be time to make a change. It's so easy to get stuck in a rut where all you can think about is all the tasks that "need" to be done. When you go about your day in a state of survival you can probably expect to be short tempered, easily annoyed or overwhelmed and depleted. You can't change your life all at once. It takes one step. The next step. What area of your life needs attention today? Then ask yourself "what is one step I can take today that would improve it?". Then do it. Stop planning for time to do it. Stop making excuses of why other things need more attention. Just take 10 mins and take the step. You won't regret it!
Are you ready to make some changes? Most of us start the year with the desire for that fresh start, new goals, and new dreams. However, after the buzz of the new year dies down most of us find ourselves in the same place. Stuck.
Don't let 2019 be just another year. Discover the power within by learning to self care and uncover the power to become the person you want to be!
Don't miss my next event!
February 16, 2019
Adobe Horseshoe Dinner Theatre
1500 Main Street
San Elizario, TX 79849
RESERVE YOUR SEAT! $25 REGISTRATION FEE